What Years of Working with Women Taught Me About Identity
For years, my work centered on helping women shape how they were seen — through their brands, their presence, and the stories they told about their work. And over time, something became unmistakably clear.
When a woman didn’t yet understand who she was becoming, no amount of thoughtful design could create the clarity she was looking for. The work would stall. Not because the design was wrong — but because identity had not yet been fully claimed.
I began to see this moment again and again: the pause, the hesitation, the quiet admission that something deeper was asking for attention. And it was in those moments — not in the visuals, not in the strategy — that the most meaningful work was waiting to begin.
One moment in particular made this impossible to ignore.
A client paused mid-process and said something like,
“I can’t do this. I’m not ready. I don’t know where I’m going. I need help understanding what I even want.”
She was overwhelmed, conflicted, and definitely stuck.
And in that moment, I knew — not intellectually, but deeply — that I wanted to help her. Not by pushing the design forward and not by convincing her to keep going, but by taking her deeper.
I wanted to help her understand herself.
The challenge was this: in her mind, I was a designer. Period. And what she believed she needed wasn’t design — it was clarity. In my mind, I was exactly who she needed. I just didn’t yet have the language to tell her.
That moment marked the beginning of my journey into Life Design work.
When design can’t land, it’s not a design problem
Over the years, I’ve worked with countless women building personal brands — women with experience, wisdom, talent, and something meaningful to offer.
And in this brand work, I began to notice a pattern.
When a woman struggled to articulate who she was, what she truly offered, or how she wanted to be seen and experienced, the design never quite landed. We could create something beautiful, strategic and thoughtful. But it just didn’t click.
Not because the work was wrong — but because she wasn’t yet fully connected to herself.
If she doubted her gifts, if she questioned her worth, if she wasn’t clear on what mattered to her now… No amount of brand clarity could compensate for that.
What I know for sure … Design reflects identity.
And when identity feels uncertain, the reflection will always feel slightly off.
Seeing both sides of the work
I’ve also experienced the other side — and it’s unmistakable.
When a woman can see herself clearly, when she recognizes her values, her voice, her gifts reflected back to her… Something shifts.
She literally lights up and a quiet confidence takes hold of her. It’s not loud or a performance.
It’s steady, grounded, and true. That’s when the work works.
Seeing both sides — the hesitation and the recognition — changed how I understood my role. It showed me that before we shape anything external, we have to look after what’s happening internally.
The work I recognized in myself
What made this realization even more profound is that I wasn’t just witnessing this in my clients — I was living it myself. I know what it feels like to question your place. To compare yourself.
To wonder, Am I enough? How did I get here? Is this what I truly want now?
I know what it’s like to feel a quiet pull toward something more honest — and not yet know how to name it.
As I moved through my own reflection and realignment, I began to recognize the deeper work unfolding beneath the surface. The work of reconnecting with myself. Of releasing comparison and old stories. Of choosing how I wanted to show up and be experienced — not from expectation, but from truth.
I fell in love with that work. Not because it was easy — but because it was real.
Why Life Design comes first
Brand design didn’t fail me. It taught me everything.
It taught me that design doesn’t bring about clarity, confidence does not come from outside of us and that full self-expression (whether as a personal brand or not) must be rooted in identity.
Life Design work grew naturally from this understanding. It’s certainly not a departure from brand work — it’s the deeper more grounded self-discovery that makes meaningful brand work possible. And not many designers ever get this deep with clients.
Before we design a brand, a business, what’s next in life, we have to understand who we are now, what we value, and what no longer fits.
That’s where clarity lives.
If you’re feeling the pause
If you find yourself hesitating — unsure of your direction, restless in your current chapter, or sensing that something wants to shift — there’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re not behind. You’re certainly not broken. And definitely not failing. You may simply be standing at the place where identity wants your attention before expression can follow.
That pause isn’t a problem to push through; it’s an invitation to pay close attention, to listen.
Sometimes, the most powerful design work begins long before anything is created.
It begins by listening to who you’re becoming.
